you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
So uh... Did you mail me business cards that describe my profession as "tortured soul"?
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
Randomize
