I wanna bring you to show and tell
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
your tears are not going to buy me drinks...
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
Guy having heart attack in McDonalds. Classic.
I'm heating up a hotdog using a candle.
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
