Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
I want to wear something that says I'm a lady (but I have condoms!)
Why do they give me cups on $8 pitcher night? I HAVE A PITCHER.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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