Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I was born in the year of the cock... How fitting.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
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