I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
did i just see you in the movie theater carrying a margarita into Frozen?
All the 6 year olds are jealous of my alcohol
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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