i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Flying into Chicago for a few days, getting re-deployed in September, we should probably fuck
Kristina got the same text from you just now, she's sitting next to me, how many people did you send this to?
We've finally come to the understanding that as long as our conversation stays stricaly sexual, we get along.
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
when we went to bed he asked me to hold his penis so he knew i was there for him
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize