I just woke up in the back of his van. Bring me a sunkist.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
I wish I was a power ranger. Also the universe is immense. Like it never ends. Never.
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Randomize
