They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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