eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
she went home with me because she said i reminded her of paul rudd. remind me to thank him for his awkwardness
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
