i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
I wonder if there is a über wall of shame that you are currently on. Like between drivers.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
