next person that tells me Facebook is a professional tool is getting kicked in the teeth.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
He fucked me so hard I might have to go to the hospital for internal bleeding
Can I have him when you're done?
I forced myself to puke in my garbage can, and the next day I bought a new one and burnt the old one. You could say it was a rough night
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
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