sometimes i wish i was able to text my cat and tell him i miss him and that i'm thinking about him
I smelled like jager and penis. The only cure was a pack of camels and plan b.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
Randomize
