Ambien. No doubt about it.
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Would it be wildly inappropriate for me to tailgate a Jonas brothers concert?
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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