If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
the condom got lost in my hair
Granted, we were all high and wasted, but the fact that she thought we couldn't see her making out with the charles in charge lookalike bc she was holding up a pillow in front of them is a little ridiculous
Did he look more like 80s Charles in Charge or the old one that had that VH1 show? It makes a difference.
P.S. I can't hear my feet
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
Maybe he injected his testicle?
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
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