She's perfect. Funny, gorgeous, 3 tats, been through a lot, bright. I'm in love.
Going to Kmart high is like jumping in a time machine back to the 80s
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
My favorite part about you getting arrested is having to explain the prosthetic leg in the front seat.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
The sigh of relief when u realize none of your drunk texts will result in permanent damage
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
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