This kristen chick is fuckin nuts. She's pyscho. She's a trainwreck. She carries baggage. She's... Perfect.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
We just threw our carpet out of our room. Via fourth floor window style.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
Can u pick me up? Lost my keys.
Sure. FYI- you "lost" them on the roof, trying to throw them over the house.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
