Im doing kagels to the beat of Christmas music... "Jingle Bells" is hard. Try it.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
On my way home right now. I miss you. let's cuddle. whiskey.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
Hostess is going out of business we'll never survive the apocalypse
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I swear, when I turn 21 in four months, I'm going to carry a flask around with me, and make a drinking game out of everything.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize