Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Laziness has hit a new level. I'm out of clean sexy underwear and meeting a boy tonight so I'm having a thong delivered via post mates.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
