He called me a "functional alcoholic" like its a bad thing.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
I didn't know what happened last night until the bruises in the shape of hands showed up on my boobs. Then it all made sense.
I can't! Its just like the night that I bathed you, I didn't tell anyone.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
He called me in the middle of the night to ask my shoe size. Apparently big feet would make me an unsatisfactory third for the threesome.
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Do you ever get a cramp in like, ONE labia?
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize
