he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I’m the skeleton in his closet, but I only come out on Tuesday and Thursday afternoon and when his wife is out of town
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