we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
i dont know if you remember blowing your vomity nose directly into my hand...yeah thanks for that
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
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