What would you say if someone told you they liked your lips?
Which ones?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Somehow after we left in 3 different cars to all go to different places we still all ended up in the emergency room
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
I dropped a piece of Mac and cheese in the shower and I almost still ate it. Stoned, but not stoned enough to degrade myself.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
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