Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
So today I found out that our school is known as the herpes school
Approach what situation? Look, I dunno if you think I'm like some lezbo cheetah waitin in some shrubs to pounce on you the second I see you, but I'm not!
well, everyone in my office is getting a nice laugh right now. But seriously... please delete my number
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She had a baby and now works at Hooters. She is the poster child for peaking in high school.
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
Because if not I was going to quote Ryan Lochte as punishment
Thank god I got my shit together
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
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