Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Sign out of Gchat. Right now my gchat list is entirely girls I've slept with.. and you. You are fucking up my gchat chi.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
I'm definitely drunk. At the gyno. On my birthday. Life is a joooooooke
Randomize
