never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
IM A DRUNK BIRTHDAY CLEOPATRA MESS. CELEBRATE THAT BITCH
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
he's the kind of guy you give a fake number to and he still finds out your real number anyway...
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
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