Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
I'm eating oreos and watching porn. This is your fault.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
He sent me a pic stitch collage of all the tit pics I had sexted him this month. It was so sweet!
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
On a side note. I slept with a stuffed giraffe last night. Found it in my bed when I came home and snuggled with it. Drunk me reverted to being 2
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
Randomize
