Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
My pussy is not your playground.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
Just got caught staring at a woman breast feeding. My only response was, "She's so adorable".
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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