Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
She handed me a mouthguard and said "here, you're going to need this" that rough.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Major win last night. I traded my roommate two cigs for a six pack and a bag of beef jerky. This has been a Brian weekend update
just shotgunning some tallboys in the cooler, you?
HOW DO YOU GET RAISES EVERY TWO WEEKS?!
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Randomize
