i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
Someone want to explain the bottle of ranch I found in my pants
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
do you think your dog feels awkward being in the background of your nudes?
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
