Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
I told him he can't put it there till we're exclusive. That's totally The Relationship Hole.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
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