Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
When she talks to me all I hear are 5 generations of inbreeding speaking.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I know he gets bloody noses a lot...so that explains all the blood...but I'd say the condoms are definitely from a penis.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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