He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
