that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
this girl with a french braid down the center of her head won't stop talking about the benefits of the free market. i'm hungover, bloated and haven't slept for 4 days. shut up french braid girl, shut up.
She asked if my windows were tinted enough for road head.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
This is stressing me out. I feel like I need to eat the dick.
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
