I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
there are casual beer cans in all of the public trashes, i belong here
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
