Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
By the way, thank you for feeding me fries when I was sitting on the floor.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I don't know what part of my sober brain thought it was a good idea to get stoned when I can barely walk with crutches as it is, but that part is stupid.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
