So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
They make twin pack pregnancy tests for girls like us
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Wait. Did you let me snort wine last night cause I wanted to smell jesus's blood?
Yes. I have pictures. Your soul is mine.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Do you think I need to report to HR that the intern and I had butt sex?
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
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