Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
Tipsy and thinking of you. Talk tomorrow. My alliteration is awesome.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
