She walked in the room and sighed really loudly fishing for attention. but I didn't bite cuz I don't give a fuck what's wrong with her.
I don't know how this happened but I got an email thanking me for being a Waffle House regular. HOW DO THEY KNOW?? Maybe I need to stop going there shitfaced.
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
I'll be honest. I knew what I was getting into. I'm not proud, but I'll be damned if I'm ashamed. 6 month draught is over. That's justice.
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Call me old fashioned but i like to drunk dial a girl 2 or 3 times before sending a dick pic
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
