She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
im not even sure if i fucked her just woke up in her closet.
I will be naked everywhere
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
