just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Blood and glitter go together right?
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
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