btw.sex in the wood isnt as romantic as it seems.heels kept sinking in the dirt and pine needles were sticking to the fishnets
i wish i had your life
I'm about to cry with happyness at the beer that will be consumed
it was such a weird mix, KFC and penis
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
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