I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Tonight's Real World episode reinforced the well-known fact that men of any caliber can hook up with girls named "Crystal"
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Update: I only have one shoe. The other one now belongs to the gods of jello-wrestling. May it rest in peace.
Lmfao I'm not trying to have a pissing contest over acid with my mom.....
Due to last night I think a roommate constitution should be made. The first law will be designed to prevent any chicks below a 4 to enter the house.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
I woke up with a chicken in my yard
Do you not remember hopping the fence into a chicken coop and screaming "choot em'"like you were on swamp people?
No recollection, can you come help me shut this thing up
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