I wish they made helmets for livers.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Right now, my father is sitting on the couch, totally smashed, crying, eating pringles, and watching the credits of Transformers 2. Love him.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
As she was leaving she said "You have an awesome penis, I hope to use it again soon" I need that on a business card to hand out at the bar
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Randomize
