Already got asked if we're dating
somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
I still blew him because I won't let allergies keep me from doing what I want. But I almost suffocated like 10 times.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
I definitely almost just pulled a condom out of my purse instead of money for my dad.
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