Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I may watch porn and eat a baked potato covered in chili in bed
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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