Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
my dad just beat the shit out of me cuz i blew my nose on one of my dirty t shirts and he saw it and thought it was cum.
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
he asked you how you felt and you yelled "I FEEL SO PROACTIVE!" and started coloring with sharpies
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I look excited, but its just a facade.
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