At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Well it looked like you were having a fucking apiphany sitting at the toilet with a t shirt around your head
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I tried to be mean but not so mean that he won't bone me next weekend
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
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