his penis is like a homeless cat. ever since I've satisfied him he keeps showing up on my doorstep ask for more.
so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Right now I can't do anything that will ban me from donating plasma. That is a legit source of income for me.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
there is absolutely nothing wrong with two grown men staying up all night blowing lines drinking white wine and playing call of duty. don't judge me
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
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