i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
it was the least impressive dick i've ever seen... and i've changed babies' diapers.
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I mean I know I'll get over it by like tonight but ew ew eww. I cannot. Dude I don't even know his name also I threw up on his penis
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
i just went to hell in the tanning bed. i think god is giving me a preview of what is in store if i keep getting drunk everyday.
Randomize
