And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
