I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
I'm passing your future prison.
Is it weird I want to fuck the cartoon chick from e-surance??
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
I'm stoned at 1030am, watching Maury with my exboyfriend. I need to make better choices with my life.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
I'm wearing spiderman underwear, the question is what am I NOT capable of
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
Update: day 5 and Scott has not left the apartment. Still smoking. Pizza roll supply dwindling.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
