i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
Green mimosas i think yes
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Randomize
