I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Just did ten shots in 8.34 minutes........ Slowly getting over the loss
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
The guy next to me in the library just got a call from his roommate asking him to come bail him out of jail...we need to step up our game.
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
Just got a handjob from a 19 year old in front of the Parthenon. The Greek god of debauchery would be proud.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
I'm so high that a guy on TV just sneezed and I said "bless you."
Randomize
