that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
I knocked myself out momentarily last night when I fell and hit my head off of my jewelry box while trying to take his pants off... while he was passed out.
Got drunk and tried to deep fry burritos. Turns out wild turkey isn't a good replacement for vegetable oil. Nearly burned my house down.
Sober people should be as daring as drunk people more often, because honestly the fact you’ve lived so long is a sign that anything is possible.
U were yelling that I wasn't generous or supportive. Then you kneeled and said this weird prayer about the windows and doors of your life.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
My night was too much. My morning is even more. Help. I need to teleport the fuck out of here.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize
