no, there's no challenge. I live a humble lifestyle out of virtue.
You wear Armani Exchange.
I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
When you went through airport security you asked if the could check if a baby was in there. That drunk.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
