If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
im pretty sure i just dented her unborn child.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
He says I vaguely mumbled happy New year, kissed him, threw up and then went back to sleep.
Randomize