That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
