2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
I found it funny that her boobs actually kinda felt like a bag of sand. the 40 year old virgin should feel better about himself.
He poured all of the vodka into the sweet tea and said that tomorrow it would be called 'surprise drunk.' then we had sex.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
And by not handle it I mean it makes me want to sit on his face
Randomize