I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Watching her eat just hurts me
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
Randomize
