is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
yeah i fucked her in the storage room on the inflatable mattress. i don't know if i should feel proud for me or bad for her.
i wont go near him until the smell goes away , and he takes the chex mix box off his head.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
I accepted my type is not "conventionally attractive" when she asked me "Him? Are you sure?" 5 times in front of him last night
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize