Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
