Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
Pray the makeout fairy visits me this weekend.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
Put cigar in mouth backwards. Plz remind to check for scar in morning, can't feel it now. Screwdrivers are like morphine.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Somehow me not being able to breathe due to cocaine doesn't seem very domesticated.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I just ran into the woods like an idiot because ADVENTURE.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
