her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She's a virgin AND a minister's daughter. We're one schoolgirl outfit from the dear penthouse trifecta
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
SOME DUDE PUT OUT FOR A MCCHICKEN AND YET YOU STILL WON'T FUCK ME
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
