9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like running into your ex boyfriend at the liquor store at 3 in the afternoon.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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