You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
high people should be assigned attendants
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize