Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Full contact beer pong was definitely not my best idea.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
