I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
