When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
I know this is weird, but can you ask your girlfriend if she has my mailbox?
Seriously?
100%
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I called him and he said hell call me back hes in the middle of his kareokee song he was out by himself and his dog
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I've been here 20 minutes and a sweaty naked man has kissed me on the cheek.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
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