You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
If he would've shaved his beard when we first broke up, getting over him would've been so much simpler. That asshole.
Wanna bang and Pregame work? I know you're the manager just promise to not fire me
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
My vagina is very pro this idea
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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