ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
He was legit dry humping me to the sportscenter theme song, awkward i think SO.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
Best part of being a cop: When I showed up at Thanksgiving with stitches in my head I could tell them I was "protecting and serving" not "drinking and falling down". Career validated.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
Do you have a moment to talk about our lord and savior, Kendra's boobs?
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
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