bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
On my way home i need to take a massive dump and couldn't wait.
i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's like my work doesn't even care about margarita mondays.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Just think of all the blizzard sex people are having right now
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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