ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
We were wearing togas. So having sex was really easy to do without taking any clothes off.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
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