I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
we need to go to the store. i'm tired of having bud light for breakfast.
do you want me to pick up budweiser instead?
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he's measuring my pool to see how much jello powder he needs. He got paid today.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
Like wrapping my dick in silk, wrapping that in velvet, and putting it in a cloud. A warm, tight, wet cloud.
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
The feeling are messing with the penis
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I know her cup size but not her name....
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