Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
he doesn't even text me anymore.. he just facebook chats me a shark emoticon which has turned into code for 'be naked at my house in 15 mins'
So, we estimated there is at least 40 pounds of boob in our house.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
Wow. Memory lane. What a horrendously unsightly jizz stain on the tapestry of life.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Randomize
