I am too high to leave where I am...And they are listening to Stained. This is my living hell.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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