my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
That's the last time you call me to prove to some girl at a bar that you're English. It's bad enough that you actually get to fuck them because of it without having to wake me up to seal the deal.
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
Now we just need to figure out why your underwear was in your bra
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
