why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
I just found a babydoll head in my sink where we ripped it off and did shots out of it.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Aiming to get laid tonight but if it falls thru I'm either gonna make a mixtape for my sugar daddy or sew a teddy bear for his newborn
Randomize
