i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
The world needs more lipstick lesbians, if anything.
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
Just received a visit from the Ghost of Bad Decisions Past. Kind of weird 90% of the flashbacks happened in the same sixteen month span, the rest happened at Taco Bell.
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
God loves me. So high, craving Jimmy Johns chips, looked down, unopened bag in front of me. Still doesn't feel real
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
