I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
let me put this in terms we both understand. he was the crunchwrap supreme of men--the perfect combo of all things manly, gooey and delicious. and ready for instant enjoyment.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
He said we were over, wrote my name on the condom he left in my car last night and said he'd always keep it in case I came back. It was kind of romantic
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
