Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
