you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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