everyone is single if you try hard enough
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
Had a student tell me he misses the old Four Loko. He's in 7th grade. No one is allowed to claim I started drinking too young ever again.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Last night’s booty call turned into a cuddlefest. Get your game face on, we’re hunting dick tonight
Randomize
