yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
He muttered something about having just washed he sheets, then demanded I give him all my quarters.
you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Not only do prius' look terrible they are terrible to have sex in
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I realized I was totally the dude in that hook up. I came first and didn't wanna help him finish. And he had paisley sheets.
I'm going to sing sad and lonely Barbra Streisand songs at the top of my lungs if you don't get here soon
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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