so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I have glow sticks stuck to my boobs and a missed call from the 911. I'd say last night was a success.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Yeah but the jokes on her right? We just got a new couch and hers still has a cum stain on it from like six months ago
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
Randomize
