You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
somehow on my way home with matt, I ended up straddling steve on the sidewalk and polling the people walking by on whether or not we should have sex.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
i used baking grease as lip gloss
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
the two person party stopped when i realized that he tried to throw a hammer at my head.
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
Randomize
