i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
my iphone just auto-corrected drink to drnknghhhg...
I think we can all look back on last night and categorize it under, " reason why Cory can't be left at the bar by himself"
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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