i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
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