I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I feel like I would find myself in so much trouble if I hadn't married my DD.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
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