I just figured it out. Meghan has the same smile as Sylvester Stallone.
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
I put an asterick after the names of people in my phone that I've fucked. Both as a form of bragging, and also so I can actually remember all their names.
Not sure if it is a new high or new low, but i left a basket on the porch of the sorority I woke up at. It had a description of the Minnie Mouse I woke up next to, and Plan B.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
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