no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
Randomize
